Road to the Chip

Disclaimer: This post will be long and laborious. This will cover substance that the reader may not understand or be privy to. This is mainly for the 7 Flying Elephants as it chronicles their run to the championship. Reader beware.

"I've paid my dues..."
For those of you who dont know how the Flying Elephants came about, it started in a very auspicious way. Like the implosion of a star the Flying Elephants were born from a team that no longer exists. As a star burns bright and furious, so did Granite Design. Noel King (NK47) who was a staple at the JCC each season as he struggled to get competitive teams, he found the remnants of Huskies. Bobby Schroder was the key player on the Huskies. Noel recruited him for a new team he wanted to put into the league. Bobby accepted and on a sunny day that boasted Kenny Perry's (K-Diggs) 5 on 5 tournament, Bobby recruited Mike Anicito, a fellow Husky. Bobby also tagged Vic Castore, Vic's dad Don, and big man Nick. Noel found Brian Cyriacks (B-Cyrious) and Lil Brian. B-Cyrious was once a star in Tottenville but hurt his back and had been struggling to be the player he once was. Lil Brian was fresh off the ice cream truck ready to play. From the first time Mike Anicito met Brian, Noel, and Lil Brian, they were claiming each others mothers, making homosexual innuendos, and verbally abusing each other every chance they got; so naturally Anicito fit in from the start. Like a dying star, Granite Design didnt do too well. Anicito, B-Cyrious, Noel, and Lil Brian became quickly disgusted and decided to spin off to form their own team. K-Diggs had just quit the juice bag team and was also looking for a place to land. Kenny had solicited Noel for sexual favors on the Internet under the screen name Sexyluv15, but when Noel saw who Sexyluv15 really was he decided to talk basketball instead of bats and balls. With the five of them, they needed a scoring sensation and B-Cyrious pulled out a tremendous signing in Robbie Mahler. Noel found Sally Sideburns and the first team was assembled. The night that the team put a solid squad together, Kenny had a dream. In this dream he was running, being chased by an elephant. Somehow Kenny started to fly and the elephant followed. All around them were floating basketballs. and then the elephant spoke. "kenny, i am here to tell you that your new basketball team is larger than you. they are strong and smart. they're size in numbers is intimidating. they're skin is tough and can overcome anything. most of them have large trunks, especially Anicito. it is your destiny to bring forth THE FLYING ELEPHANTS". when kenny awoke, he was sweating. he immediately called the team and put into action the Flying Elephants name. Noel, being a master artist came up with the logo of an elephant in a Michael Jordan air flight and created what is now one of the most iconic symbols in our society.

"And bad mistakes, i made a few..."
With Sally Sideburn scorching up and down the court the Elephants inaugural season was cut short in the first round of the playoffs. The Elephants needed a more solid player, some with Sal's size but who could be a bigger part of vision. The juicebag team Kenny played with prior had a point-forward that was an out-of-towner. His name, Anthony Jason from Buffalo. Standing at 6'3, the newly dubbed Buffalo Ant would be a sweet complement to B-Cyrious down low, while providing an outside threat and court awareness. With a fully equipped team the Elephants were a force to be reckoned with. With Robbie leading the way on the offensive end, Kenny using brute force to intimate, Anicito providing defensive stops, Noel hitting outside shots, and Brian completely dominating the paint, the Elephants competed intensely but still got bounced by a new team that was commuting from Queens.

With the advent of this new team, players started to coalesce. A love fest arrived for all Elephants in the manliest of manly ways. Hangouts became frequent, NBA2K8 tournaments, Flying Elephant Christmas Party, Flying Elephant Pennsylvania getaways, mini golf extravaganzas, you name it. The team expanded their man crush on each other from the court to the outside world. At any time you can catch Kenny and B-Cyrious smoking an Indian cigarette together discussing bead-making. Or maybe you would find Buffalo Ant and Noel walking from KJs to the Marina Cafe in a drunken stupor. Robbie and Anicito often spend time rollerblading along South Beach.

The Elephants made some really deep runs in the playoffs but couldnt get over the hump of the team from Queens. Kenny decided to use his GM position and acquire the quickest free agent guard in the league, James Schories. James took the eighth spot on the team and quickly fit into the antics of the Flying Elephants. But that year the team was bounced in the first round of what was the most disappointing season to date. Lil Brian subsequently quit the Elephants for greener bush. But the team did not fret.

"But it's been no bed of roses, no pleasure cruise"
This season the Elephants struggled for most of the year. With members missing games and the luster that once beheld the Elephant position dwindling, the Flying Elephants needed a boost. The team finsihed in the 9th spot of the seeding chart going into the playoffs. Their first opponent was the juicebags that were handled easily with Noel providing key points and B-Cyrious turning up the heat with the big men. Then, by some stroke of luck Gleb's team (#1 overall seed) lost to Markowitz in the ultimate desolation of teammates. Without K-Diggs in the lineup due to chronic ankle injuries, the Flying Elephants secured Markowitz and advanced to the finals.

"I've had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I've come through"
The Elephants took the floor against none other than their arch nemesis, the team from Queens. 3 time defending champs. Unbeaten versus the Elephants. Could the Elephants mentally overcome an opponent who they havent beat in three seasons? Kenny was still feeling the aches and pains of his ankle injury, Anicito was diagnosed with an infected toe and was a game time decision to play, it was going to be a lot to handle for this team. Thankfully Elephants cant be easily moved. There was no way Kenny or Anicito wouldnt be part of what they worked so hard for. After getting warmed up with a three on three, the team was called in by K-Diggs for a speech. It went something like this:

"my boys. we have finally come down the road of our dreams. it was here that we told ourselves that this game is more than a game. it was here that we sweat, bled, and cried all those years. If you told me we'd be in the championship mid year, i would say you're nuts. But now, watching us grow in the playoffs and up until this point, we are ready. We cannot let a team from queens think they can come here to our island and push us around. We wont stand for it! As the 16th President, a one Abraham Lincoln once said, 'you can hold an elephant by his hind legs for only so long. once released there is no telling how far he can go'. Let's do this."

The Elephants were ready. The team came out in a box and one on Tim. James did his best to corral the nifty scorer but it was to no avail. Tim spurned the Elephants for 14 straight points. He was immaculate from the line and creepy strong going to the hoop. The Elephants went down quick 15-10 when Kenny called their final timeout of the half. The Elephants were rattled. They were rushing their shots, turning the ball over. They were playing scared. Maybe it was the tension of being in the finals, maybe it was just the fact the there were beautiful ladies watching. No matter what it was, it wasnt the Elephants that we know and love. Getting back out on the floor there was a struggle with B-Cyrious fighting and kicking to hang on to the ball. with Brian threading the base line Anicito instinctively called a timeout to secure the possession. Only problem was there were no more timeouts, resulting in a technical foul. Tim knocked them down giving Queens their largest lead of the game, 7 points, and putting the hopes and dreams of a championship on the edge of oblivion. But there is just something about the Elephants that lasts. A change in the defensive scheme, the Elephants went to a 3-2 zone and played it really well. Robbie and James then stepped up their offensive game. Robbie was once again lights out when he got open. James did a great job getting to the basket and drawing fouls or passing off to the open man. Buffalo Ant knocked down a three and B-Cyrious cleaned up the boards. Noel, who has been nothing less than the ultimate spark plug, came off the bench and cashed in his jumpers. While Kenny did a heck of job setting the tone on driving players, making sure their cruise was never a comfortable one. The Elephants made a run and at half time, playing like absolute excrement, only trailed by 3.

Anicito's head had slipped somewhere else as his passes were rushed and his game time was off. Sitting for the start of the second half proved to get him back to normal as he knocked down some mid-range jumpers. Robbie was unconscious. Three pointer after three pointer, Robert Mahler was the man. While Brian, Kenny, and Anthony got boards, Anicito and Noel aggravated on the perimeter, and James was his classic Jimmy Hustle. The Elephants simply made shots and got stops. The second half of last night's game was phenomenal.

"Cause we are the champions, my friend. And we'll keep on fighting till the end"
The Elephants finally bested Queens and secured their place in MBL history. Last nights victory solidified a lot of time and hard work for all members.

What you mean to us:

Kenny - what you mean to us is leadership, toughness, and sens ability. A light when we cant see. the penis in a mangina.

Robbie - our MVP. our go to man. Without fear and always giving it your all. a penis hole in an apple pie.

B-Cyrious - grit, hard work. sometimes without mention but your effort is a huge reason we're champs. a true warrior. a stiff penis when we arent wearing underwear.

James - a Tasmanian devil of a defender. slick, sliky, finesse. a smile to hold all smiles, inspiring teammate. a smooth penis.

Anicito - gives us all he's got like it will be his last game. ultimate teammate, loyal to the core. a veiny penis.

Noel - a true friend first. our delegate and sniper. sacrifice is in your blood. a chopped off penis only to be sewed back on with a few extra inches.

Buffalo Ant - determined and willed to success. realistic and knowledgeable of expectations. an outlined sketch of a penis that is life size and true.

The Elephants celebrated their victory at KJs last night. It was a fun filled night of spray beers, poured down the collar beers, jack shots, car bombs, dance-offs, and complete silliness, everything an Elephant is made of.

Special thanks to all supporters of the Flying Elephants. All family and friends. Christine for always being there, Brit for not being there in fear Brian would blame you if we lost (i still missed you), Christie for keeping the Elephants in her heart, Joe for almost making it out but had a volleyball game, even the haters like Bobby and Jay - you cant put an elephant in a box. Great victory guys, I love you all. Let's do it again this season. Enjoy some pics from last night's after-party. Notice every one's beer stains.